Still Rubbing My Eyes

I turned forty recently. Yea thanks. And it was on the way there, just over the past two years or so, that I’ve had a real waking up experience.

For some reason it began to dawn on me, out of the blue, although I must confess that might have to do with my own naivete. Perhaps wiser souls would look upon my life and say “well oh yes of course you began to wake up then it’s very typical of a woman of your height, weight, and having newly waded into the waters of mother hood. Waking up at this point is quite typical.”  But to me it was out of the blue, that I suddenly saw the scenery whizzing by, and it has been profound and at the same time flustering.

You see I don’t quite know what to do with this new insight. I mean I do in the existential sense. I should live more deeply, soak it all up, become who I’ve always wanted to be. Yes! But then there is the practical…what do I DO with myself every day? Am I doing enough? Am I getting there? Am I coming close to touching this big big hope of a life fulfilled?

We know it when we’re in it. When we are exactly where we are supposed to be but sometimes it’s a daily struggle to know how to put myself there amidst all the daily demands of life. And yet sometimes these demands, the job, the household, can also be the best thing for your creativity in the sense that it hems it in, thickens the stream because it is forced to flow only between these two rocks.

I feel so fortunate to have woken up when I did. Some people don’t wake up until right before the end. Just in time to realize all of the things they didn’t do and all the people they didn’t spend enough time with, all the dreams they didn’t walk toward. Or all the joys of life they did not help others to have, and in so doing help themselves too.

Trust yourself. Create the kind of self that you will be
happy to live with all your life. Make the most of yourself by
fanning the tiny, inner sparks of possibility into flames of
achievement.
— Golda Meir

Tell me, how do you do this? Are you spending as much time on the things that mean the most to you? Does your life feel like you are on your right path or are you wandering in the woods? That’s okay too, we all wander from time to time. Are you fulfilling your particular template or have you turned away from it enough times in the past that you feel a bit at odds? Please leave a comment.

If you liked this post you might also like:
Are You Waiting for Life to Begin?
How to Craft a Great Life
I Knew Myself So Long Ago

Recommended Reading:
*** Waking Up by Steve Pavlina: This post is deep and long but I think he does a fantastic job of explaining a pretty big concept in a relatively down to earth way.

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2 Responses to Still Rubbing My Eyes

  1. Lindsey says:

    I love this. I am in the middle of this awakening myself and, like you, I struggle with the hows sometimes, and with feeling like I just about touch something and then it floats away again, gossamer and impossible to pin down. But maybe the awareness, and this struggle, IS the point, after all? Do you think? xoxo

    • Kathryn says:

      Oh by gosh Lindsey I do think that’s it. It’s knowing, or being awake to the fact that this search for meaning and to the effort to become more of ourselves is the whole quesadilla. The whole point. Thanks so much for being here and a kindred soul at that.

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