I came down with a pretty rough strain of head cold last Wednesday and was forced to dial back all my activity. It wasn’t easy to do sometimes. The compulsion to keep running at the same pace becomes ingrained and can be hard to let go of. But at other times I let myself sink into the me that is under and beyond the doing. The me that is looking out from behind these eyes, hands, feet, and even brain, and just rest. Rest in my observations, rest in my achy tired body, rest in the activity within that is always working in my best interest to try to override the head cold and all the other stumbling blocks to health.
In that time of being sick I haven’t wanted to write much. It has of course occurred to me. Knocking on the door of guilt and sense of obligation that I need to “get to it”, “stay on track”, “don’t lose momentum”. But for as much as I do love to write I felt even more compelled by the source of my writing to let it rest. Let it be.
So now as I am coming back to the land of the healthy I bring the gift of those sick days and I am more conscious that we need not compulsively harvest. We can intersperse the harvesting with the planting of seeds, the feeding and watering of our deepest selves and even just the gazing at the open field to see what arises and to notice that everything we want is already here.
Remember that this pace we run at was not set by us. It was set at a much higher level within a system that has little interest in your renewal but plenty of interest in your giving it all you got every minute that you are willing.
So how much are you willing to give away? How much will you keep for yourself? Your family? Your community?